As I already said, life with five kids and finding and defining my new self in all the different roles between household, baby, bigger kids and a huge project to lead is a new challenge to me, mashaallah.
But I quiet like this challenge and feel (most of the time) very positive about it, alhamdulillah.
It’s all about learning to be much more flexible, accepting not being able to planify and control all, being led by the rhythm of a newborn and taking advantage of moments when baby sleeps and getting a break when also the others are well occupied…
I am very thankful for the baby carrier that allows me to take baby wherever I go, for outside walks, inside the home but also to work at school with her close to me (after four babies this feels now with the fifth more comfortable than the sling)
And I am very thankful for new technologies and have to admit that the older kids sit now more often in front of the TV, smartphone or computer – which allows me small bits of alone-time in the midst of it all (especially when hubby is out).
My former daily routine is all a bit mixed up at the moment and I actually begin to do in the evening what I normally did in the early morning hours: reading, blogging, emailing and enjoying some quiet time.
So I greet you this evening, out of my studio, wishing you a blessed month of Shaaban, while the kitchen is not cleaned yet, the laundry still in the machine and the kids maybe a bit too long in front of the TV- because I neededs this little pause to reflect and send you some blessings… cheers! may peace be with us all.
Two month after birth.
And subhanallah, every week I feel stronger and more capable to handle a life with five children.
Everything seems so familiar with a newborn in our house, yet so very new and different. The older children all help and want to care for her which is of big help (most of the time ;)). Our life at home quickly adapted to our littlest one and now I slowly try to also find my way back to work.
I feel like her birth was a rebirth for my own self as well. I feel more vulnerable now, softer, deeper, and permeable. I feel like I have to redefine my role, my duties and my place.
Baby taught me a lot already before birth and she teaches me a lot now, about me, about my fears and blockages, about how to open for new ways, about patience and letting things go, about trust and confidence.
She is a gift, and I am very very thankful that God trusted us with her in our lives, alhamdulillah – astaghfirullah, in summer I was so down because of the pregnancy, and now we feel so blessed with her, Allahu akbar!
Gods ways are often inscrutable but always perfect.
To be honest, I don’t feel entirely well these last weeks, mashaallah.
There were many decisions to make, many challenges to take and many visitors around at school, but also in our private life
– I feel exhausted and ready for a break. I feel ready for winter to come, ready to draw back and to hibernate, just like an animal that crawls into his cave.
I observe myself sometimes arguing with reality, wishing for things to be different, in fact just longing for some peace and quiet…
Here I’ve put down a little list of several things I try to do when I really feel at the edge to depression and need something to tear me out of the black hole:
- Drinking some freshly brewed yarrow/achillea-tea
- Making a treasure map of pictures cut from magazines to visualize positive goals
- Going outside! Alone or with the children, to breath fresh air and clean the head
- Making Istikhara and dua’ or reading Qur’an
- Reading self-help books
- Watching feel-good-movies (although it is very difficult to find hahal-ones)
- Making a gratitude-list
- Talking to a friend who can stand my tears, just listening, without trying to “save” me
- Investigating my belief system and affirming and auto-suggesting all things good
- Reminding myself that life is always for something good; that there is a reason behind everything and a learning opportunity for my highest good to be found in all.
favorite shoes from Gudrun Sjoeden
Affirmations help me to take the right internal attitude every day.
I use them as a desktop-screen-saver, I write them on my chalkboard, on little pieces of paper everywhere, and some I put them around my mirror and on my office-table…
Here I share some sources of beautiful inspiration.
May you be blessed with everything good!
I train myself to approach every day with the kind of these intentions:
and when things are getting diffficult, I take a deep breath, I pray, I turn to God, I ask for His help
and I try to remind myself of these thoughts and this:
joy, love and peace to you and yours!