Life with five

Two month after birth.
And subhanallah, every week I feel stronger and more capable to handle a life with five children.

Everything seems so familiar with a newborn in our house, yet so very new and different. The older children all help and want to care for her which is of big help (most of the time ;)). Our life at home quickly adapted to our littlest one and now I slowly try to also find my way back to work.

I feel like her birth was a rebirth for my own self as well. I feel more vulnerable now, softer, deeper, and permeable. I feel like I have to redefine my role, my duties and my place.
Baby taught me a lot already before birth and she teaches me a lot now, about me, about my fears and blockages, about how to open for new ways, about patience and letting things go, about trust and confidence.

She is a gift, and I am very very thankful that God trusted us with her in our lives, alhamdulillah – astaghfirullah, in summer I was so down because of the pregnancy, and now we feel so blessed with her, Allahu akbar!
Gods ways are often inscrutable but always perfect.

 

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_ 40 _

This week I turn 40.

Not only 40 weeks pregnant, but also 40 years in age.

Alhamdulillah.

Actually I feel a bit immobile and restricted due to the pregnancy, but in general I am happy to say, that I feel better year by year, subhanallah.
I feel (most of the time) very comfortable with aging, not as scared about it any more like a few years before.
I feel very ok with greyer hair, age spots, more wrinkles and the signs of becoming more mature, alhamdulillah.
I feel more confident and comfortable with my self, my body, my character (strengths and weaknesses); stronger, freer, and much less dependent on other’s opinion.
It is a good feeling, subhanallah, and having so many older and wiser women friends, I know that these can become the best years of my life, up until seventy and more, inchaallah.

Thank you Mama, Oma, Doris, Ursula, Dorothee, Christine, Tante Trudel, Fadma Aissa, Mel, Khadija (the Prophet’s first wife), Audrey Hepburn, Louise Hay, Indira Ghandi, Fuesun Holder, Mother Theresa, Byron Katie, and all the other beautiful and wise woman whom I know, who inspire me or whom I met in my life.

blessed be you all – no matter what age!! 

other posts of mine on growing and getting older:  https://ittosjournal.wordpress.com/2014/02/08/the-beauty-of-age/
https://ittosjournal.wordpress.com/2010/04/28/healing/
https://ittosjournal.wordpress.com/2011/05/20/raising/

 

 

Positive Birth Thoughts

Since yesterday I retired myself into maternity leave. My body needs calm and rest now, more than ever before.
I feel the birth is close, sometimes so close that I think it will happen the same day, knowing that these urges still are Braxton-Hicks-contractions and due-date ist still a few weeks away…

I think a lot about the birth and am once again very impressed about how different each pregnancy feels, how each baby change my sensations and inner feelings in his own unique way and how it all remains so unpredictable.

I remember the other four births and especially the beauty, strenght and peace during labour with our last two children, alhamdulillah – I think those were the most powerful and blessed moments in my life:

https://ittosjournal.wordpress.com/2009/06/28/an-almost-unassisted-childbirth/  

…and I plan and prepare everything for a smoothe homebirth inchaallah. 
This requires work on my inner beliefs and hidden fears.
I visualize positive, I read Sura Meryam (Qur’an 19), eat dates and pray, but I also organize the necessary material and space (especially to keep warm during labour and after birth), I prepare clothes, diapers, a hospital bag in case of emergencies, I inform our children about details of birth and look for people I feel comfortable with, to instruct them as care-providers for the kids and when I am in labour and childbed…
and I try to put all my tust in Allah, that He will give me the strength and the chance to experience once again one of those wonderful unassisted childbirths, full of magic, bliss and joy, inchaallah.

“If you have had a positive birth and you are feeling good about it, then you will often feel completely energised and brilliant in the days after you have had your baby. – Women need to hear this message too as well as getting information about what might be unpleasant or what might go wrong.”
Milli Hill

some inspiration and support:

Laura Shanley’s “Unassisted Childbirth”-book

Ina May Gaskin’s Book “Spiritual Midwifery”

Sarah Buckley’s book: Gentle Birth, Gentle Mothering

an this one from Sarah Haydock 

this book from Milli Hill 

and this from Anita Evensen 

and these stories collected by Shannon Brown

http://www.positivebirthmovement.org

http://www.lifetouchyou.com/practical-tips-for-a-fear-free-positive-labour-experience

 

Mainz -Graz -Zuerich – Marrakech- and back home

Two weeks are already gone since I came back home from my journey through Europe.
And still, I reminisce in memories … it was great, subhanallah!
It was great to travel alone, to feel myself without distraction, to see how I act alone in a world that was my home years before but is now so far from my everyday-life…

It was great to feel so comfortable and welcomed in Europe, even with a headscarf and alone as a Muslimah – I had only very positive encounters, everywhere, and I felt a real openness and friendliness of the people in Germany, Austria and Switzerland, alhamdulillah. And it was deeply touching and amazing to feel and see the labor, the effort and the energy which our dear partners put into the support of our campus and social project.

   

We had a great time together and I was really able to enjoy the different countries as kind of a tourist, but also still feeling very much embedded in the culture, like a fish in its waters.
I was amazed by the grey and cloudy winter weather, the warmth inside the heated houses, the green of the forests, but also by the beautiful Christmas lights and decoration everywhere, the smell of cinnamon roasted almonds and gingerbread, and about the quality and the huge choice of so many aesthetic things, of all the fair-trade and eco products and the material-beauty everywhere. I sometimes felt like Alice in Wonderland, and I really enjoyed being in the land of plenty…

But after two weeks it also felt very good to come home again – Home to our simple life in the remote mountains of Morocco.
It felt so reassuring to have a place where I really belong to, Allahu akbar, to know where my place, my duties and my job is; To feel the safe harbor of my closest family, the love of my children, the loving attention of my husband who took care of them during my absence, subhanallah, the diligence and sense of responsibility of my whole team at school, the quiet of country life and the amazing nature around…. Oh mashaallah, I am so very thankful for and feel so blessed with all of this!

I am grateful for the freedom and possibility to experience such moments and to enjoy the best of both worlds, of Europe and North Africa.

 

Now winter has also begun here and the birth of our fifth child approaches – I am excited about his coming, inchaallah.
I was able to learn a lot during my training in Germany and I feel ready now to let go things, to delegate and to trust in the capabilities of others who will continue my work at the campus; I feel ready to concentrate myself again on the task of being a mum of a small baby, inchaallah.
On to new adventures and ready for everything that might come, inchaallah!

Happy to be back here – sending love, light and peace to you xxx

 

challenging, developping, nourishing myself

 

wow, subhanallah, I feel alive – alhamdulillah, and very deeply thankful for having the chance of travelling to Europe by myself, just before the birth of our next little baby.
It has been 14 years (! ! ! ), I haven`t been on a travel without anybody on my side, never really been ALONE for more than a day…
I enjoy feeling, hearing, acting and re-defining my self in my homecountry, feeling again where I come from, being now so very different, little strange, yet still the same… mashaallah, very mixed feelings, a lot of growth, inner development, learning and the joy and blessing of meeting very inspirational people.
Maybe we can also meet? … I´ll be soon in Austria, Graz, and would love to see you there !

xxx love, peace and light to you dear all.

    

empowered by faith

After having been very busy with many worldly things over the last months, I feel now the need to concentrate again on my faith, to find guidance and support in my religion and to become even more productive with Allah’s blessings, inchaallah.

And as so often, I find good inspiration on this topic here: http://productivemuslim.com/15-golden-keys/

Hope you are all doing fine; peace and light to you!

a family’s Id in Ait Bouguemez

some tea and cake at home at 6 a.m., and then up to the very early morning prayer in the village:

   

after greeting everybody and wishing a blessed day, people go home to sacrify the sheep:

and then families sit together, share, prepare BBQ and the lunch and enjoy the atmosphere of this holy day:

 

and in the afternoons and over the next days tea with friends.

hope your Id was also a blessed one!