Thank you all so much for your recovery-wishes and prayers! They mean a lot to me.

You know, the less I move my body, the more my thoughts work inside myself. And in the midst of this sickness I see that I do not only need to heal from a throat and ear infection but that I also need to heal my own inner child.

Over the last years I learned and became more aware of the reality of the inner child concept, which is also known in modern psychology as the “true self”.
The older I grow, the more I believe in the importance of accepting and working on past pain and meeting old needs.
I believe that we need to work on old wounds and buried feelings if we want to become whole and healthy and if we want to better ourselves, our parenting and the relationship with our children, inchaallah.
We all suffer in certain ways, we all have to carry a burden with us and less or more we all have these dark places inside our souls that need to be seen, acknowledged and healed – but as painful as this all might be, it is a chance to grow.

And even though this is a deeply private and personal topic, I’d like to share some of the ways I try to heal my own inner child because it became such a big part of my life and I know that sharing and writing about weak and vulnerable sites is an important part of the healing process itself.
I am quiet new on this journey and I am surely no expert, but I know how inspiring it is to see in which ways other women cope with their problems and so I wanna invite you to join me here:
It’s all about nourishing old needs and meeting old feelings in healthy ways.
It is about the things we’ve always wanted to do but were never allowed or didn’t allow ourselves – It’s about learning to live fully, to share and to feel alive.

So let’s forget about guilt and criticism, let’s forget about the bad little voices inside our heads that always try to stop us from living our full potential.
Let’s dance and sing, let’s be childish and wild!

First let’s begin with a list of all the things that need to be changed. Here is mine:

– First of all I wanna live and act only for the sake of Allah, asking Him for guidance and help and turning mainly to Him when struggling with the world;
– but I also wanna learn to express and to talk about my inner feelings with others and I wanna investigate my hidden places and learn to accept them as part of myself;
– I wanna cry, shout, and punch the cushion, but also sing and dance when I feel so;  
– I wanna wear more feminine, pink romantic dresses under my hijab and avoid all the sad black garments that lived in my wardrobe for so long;
– I wanna treat myself with lots of “too much”: too much chocolate,  too much breaks, too much compliments and gifts, and much too much things more…. ;
– I wanna smile into the mirror and tell myself only good things;
– I wanna get rid of self-criticism and over control and of the fear what others might think;
– I wanna learn to say more often “no” to others and “yes” to myself;
– I wanna surround myself with colours, flowers and a lot of beauty;
– I wanna hug and love the small little Itto inside myself and treat her as if she were another child of mine…

What will you gonna change in your life? What did you always longed for? Are you ready for this journey of our lives?


18 thoughts on “healing

  1. Asalamualaykum dear sister

    This is a topic that is very close to my heart. Healing the inner child I think is the most important thing one can do in their life in order to feel at peace with themselves. I believe you can not truly grow and be healthy if your inner child is still hurting from childhood issues and traumas.

    There are so many things I need to change and do to heal my inner child, that it would take me ages to type out but one of the main things for me is to accept myself for the way I am and comfort and love the little child (me).

    I hope this will be an ongoing topic on your lovely blog.

    May Allah reward you.

    Umm Shaymaah

  2. Asalaamu alaikum,
    That is a good reminder. I think about my own mom, step-mom, who was angry and bitter all the time–not at us,really. I always wished to see her in her element, happy, visiting friends, doing something meaningful beside raising us, maybe even divorced from my Dad, astaghfirullah. I guess it would have been nice to grow up with a “happier” mom, and now to turn the situation to myself—wouldn’t it be better for my kids to see a “happier” and fulfilled mom too?
    It is really hard to know what to do, and how to do it. I am just like my mom and I am not blood related. Sad. I do want to embrace this life, and not wish for a different one. I want to learn how to be happy as a mom. I guess I will read up on the inner-child, although I have to say that perhaps In someways I have too much inner child (the whiney and lazy one?).
    I’m OK, really. I really need this reminder to stay on the bright side of life, Thank You! : )

  3. hi itto!

    i love seeing pictures of you. 🙂 you look so joyful, twirling in your hijab. keep searching for the bits of sunshine! and having too much – especially too much chocolate! 🙂

  4. Salam Itto,

    Je suis heureuse de voir que tu vas mieux et de voir ces images de joie !
    Ton message m’interpelle beaucoup, surtout quand tu parles de l’enfant intérieur qui est en nous…Personnellement j’ai eu une enfance très heureuse et j’ai toujours gardé un esprit insouciant mais quand j’ai voulu l’enfouir, le renier, je suis tombée malade et je suis passé par la psychanalyse…J’ai beaucoup appris, notamment que nous sommes fait de notre passé mais aussi du passé de nos ancêtre et qu’il faut transmettre notre vécu à nos enfant, dire pourquoi, comment et le chemin sera plus facile pour eux…. Je ne crois pas que l’on puisse se changer, s’améliorer certes oui mais s’accepter tel que l’on est c’est aussi se respecter…

    Quand je regarde ma petite Esther, je me dis souvent quelle me posera des questions et j’espère pouvoir y répondre tout simplement, sans honte, ni cachoteries, nous sommes fait de nos erreurs, de nos peines, de nos joies, là est la richesse de la vie…

    Je crois à l’insouciance et peut importe ce que pensent les autres…

    Qu’Allah te protège Itto

    Je t’embrasse


  5. AA dear Itto,
    May Allah(swt) lift your spirits and give you the best of health. JAK for sharing your lovely thoughts that always bring touch my heart.
    I started my healing trip several years ago without actually thinking I needed any help or advice …when one of my children decided to seek counseling…as her mom I went on that journey with her and so glad I did…through the help of a very good counselor I was able to discover things about myself that I was not aware of, heal some of my childhood wounds that I didn’t realize I was carrying around and that was just the beginning..my whole way of thinking about myself , family and others changed in an incredible way. Al-Humdulilah.
    I’m not seeing a counselor now but i’m still on my journey but now I find that a few good friends, a loving dh and a lot of good books and the mercy and blessing of Allah(swt) are all I need to help me become more self aware..which in turn leads me to a more contented and fulfilled life. I think that everyone could benefit from a little ..good counseling…to be able to sit with someone for a few hours and just have them listen and guide you to a better understanding of yourself..although painful at times..is truly liberating. Al-Humdulillah.

  6. I love this post Itto! I’m having a day where I just don’t know where to look for my mojo. What a lift me up! And now I think I need to look deep within myself for that missing zest for life!

  7. I love your post. It is soo beautiful…you have given me strength to do what I need to do. I feel like I want to spin around like a child!!! God Bless you!!!

  8. Liebe Itto,
    mal wieder triffst Du mit Deinen Gedanken genau in mein Herz und meinen Kopf. Ich verdränge oft leider erfolgreich die Suche nach meinem persönlichen Glück – rede mir zu, dass manche Dinge nun mal einfach nicht zu ändern sind und freue mich auf die freie Zeit mit meiner Familie. Seit ich denken kann, versuche ich etwas zu finden, was mich beruflich ausfüllt, meine Talente zutage bringt und mich zufrieden macht. Im Moment ist das gar nicht der Fall. Immer noch trauere ich meiner alten Firma und den menschlichen, modernen Strukturen nach. Aber nach Feierabend bin ich zu faul und bequem um mich um Alternativen zu kümmern. Dann zählt die Zeit mit Andreas und Junis und ich bin glücklich.
    Der Prozeß des wirklichen Erkennens ist anstrengend und schmerzhaft, man braucht Mut um neue Wege zu gehen und der verlässt mich dann oft.

    Ich möchte auf jeden Fall versuchen, einen neuen Job zu finden, mit dem ich besser leben kann (im wahrsten Sinne des Wortes).

    Dein Post ist schon so heilend und aufweckend zugleich, vielen Dank dafür.
    Ich bin froh, Dich wieder so lebendig zu sehen, hatte täglich gehofft, dass es Dir besser geht.

    Nun geht es an die Arbeit.

    Dir einen wunderschönen Tag!

    Liebste Grüße

  9. Salm Itto,

    Je suis heureuse de lire que tu va mieux.

    Ton post me touche beaucoup et il arrive juste bien quand j’avais besoin de lire de telles choses.

    Nous avons toutes besoin de faire un travail sur notre MOI c’est évident et nous avons déjà un peu parlé des “douleurs du passé’ toutes les deux.

    Il n’est pas évident de répondre à tes questions… mon rêve ? tout me semble tellement irréalisable … mais prête à faire le voyage ah ça oui et tu m’aides beaucoup à cela.

    Je te souhaite une belle fin de semaine remplie de bonheurs.

  10. very inspiring post Itto…..
    my sister is going to go on life counselling course,she actually went to the introductory day yesterday…..she is so excited to get started and heal where healing is needed.She said its amazing how we think we know our selves so well…but when probed with the right words….we discover where and what we have been hiding behind…..
    think I need to make my own inner child list!
    take care…

  11. Salam chere Itto,
    Tout d’abord, je te remercie infiniment de partager tout cela avec nous, jazakillahou khayran.
    Soubhanallah, tes reflexions rejoignent tres souvent les miennes, sauf que les tiennes sont plus poussees, avec une reelle recherche et des solutions sur le theme de reflexion en question machaAllah, et c’est pour cela que je viens souvent me ressourcer sur ton blog…
    Je pense aussi que deux raisons essentielles sont a l’origine de telles reflexions et remises en cause, la premiere est sans doute le fait d’avoir des enfants, cela nous fait revisiter notre propre enfance et fait resurgir beaucoup d’elements enfouis dans notre inconscient et c’est souvent plus important encore quand on a une fille, wa Allahou a3lam…
    La seconde raison est aussi, je crois, le fait de nous approcher de la quarantaine, connue pour etre l’age de remise en cause de notre bout de chemin parcouru ici-bas et l’age de raison inshaAllah.
    Dans tous les cas, je te souhaite la reussite dans l’ accomplissement et l’epanouissement de ton enfant interieur ainsi qu’a toutes les autres lectrices inshaAllah.
    Qu’Allah nous guide et nous garde sur le droit chemin.
    Qu’Allah vous garde et vous protege toi et ta petite famille chere Itto.


  12. Salam alaykum dearest Itto,
    You’ve done it again! As always, your post goes straight to my heart.
    I’m also enjoying wearing more springy, romantic clothing too, after being stuck in a fashion rut for years.
    I’m enjoying unfolding after feeling like I was in the trenches of a battle, ever since I started the journey of motherhood.
    Photography, writing, house arranging, new clothes, a new can-do attitude are all part of the new “me”.
    Love you lots my dear,

  13. Itto, I read this post back when you first posted it. It touched me at the time, and I could relate – but only now do I have a moment to come back and tell you so.

    Your words are deep, profound, and true. I’ve never really had anyone tell me that I needed to love the little girl in me, but it is something that I came to naturally, on my own, but not until the last few years. I realized – no one else is going to do this. In fact, I am maybe the only one who has the ability to go back inside, inside of memories and such, and pick up that little girl and set her on my lap, and just love her like she so deeply needed to be loved.

    (I was just reminded to come and tell you how much I liked your post, because I was doing something in the kitchen a few minutes ago, making plans in my head. I said to myself (quietly, not outloud) as I made the plans…”Is that okay, sweetheart?” And I had to smile, because I thought of your words, and how I do the same. I have come to the place of not hating or not disliking the inner me – but loving her and allowing her to have a voice and importance. (And of course, there are many who would not understand this and would say that it sounds selfish…but it’s not that. It’s not an exalting of self or being self seeking. It is necessary – and in the end it reflects upon how God sees us and how He thinks of us. We are loved, we are worthy of being loved as His creation, as individuals. When we are healed and whole, we reflect Him so much more accurately.

    God bless you – and thank you for being vulnerable and sharing this part of your life.

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  16. Salam Itto,
    This post is so good. Thank you and may Allah bless you for writing such inspiring things. I too am a lot into self care and healing in order to become more whole. But so nice to be reminded of these things and of remembering joy in our daily lives. MashaAllah.

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