It is exactly a year now that my only sibling, my dear little sister died.
Mashaallah, I cannot believe how quick time flies.
There was no single day I didn’t think of her and I still remember so well the night I arrived in Germany to visit her for the first time after seven months, knowing that her cancer already is at a very serious stage.
I arrived late at night and it was already too late to go to the hospital to see her, so my mother said it would be better to come the next morning.
I went to bed and in the middle of the night my father stepped in to tell me that my little sister just died. Mashaallah, Allahu akbar.
It still is very difficult for me to realize this coincidence of having been so close to her yet not having been able to see her alive, mashaallah. But Allah is the Greatest and I know that everything happened as it had to.
The image of her emaciated dead body still accompanies me.
Unfortunately we didn’t have had a very close relationship over the last years and I still have a lot to process, feelings to work on and unspoken words to think about, inchaallah.
When I visited my parents this January, my mother gave me a big straight peace of beautiful grey knit-work. It was the last knitting my sister did during her last weeks alive and she never was able to finish.
So I took the peace in remembrance of her and am now continuing her work, stitch by stitch.
And while I am knitting I am remembering her and the moments we spent together.
I feel that this peace of handcrafts helps me to make a connection: I think about her fine hands and how they touched the wool and the soft bamboo needles and I feel how the calming rhythm of knitting helps me to process, inchaallah – one row at a time….
May you rest in peace my dear little sister.