Homebirth Thoughts

The last nights I am a lot awaken, thinking about birth and how it was the last times and how it will be this time…
I am not feeling that comfortable anymore in my body as just a week before. Moving becomes more difficult, I have a lot of these Braxton-Hicks-contractions and the belly gets very hard sometimes. But alhamdulillah, Lavender-oil and a cup of herbal tea help, and sometimes I also take magnesium-salt or Bach-flowers-rescue-pills.

I read a few articles about unassisted homebirth because I wanna be prepared for that case, too. Who knows if my midwife will be here in the right moment? – Or someone else? – So I want to be at least mentally ready to deliver myself. I didn’t find a lot on the internet and I do not like some of the given information because the writing often is sexually too suggestive for my taste. But I quiet liked this article from Laura Shanley.

I really wish and pray to deliver at my home without any problem.
I do not like hospitals in general and the ones in Morocco I even dislike far more than those in Germany.
I firmly believe that birth is such a natural thing; we normally do not need a doctor or special technical machines around for it.
Women gave birth for million of years without modern medicine or hospitals and I think that is much healthier and better for the child’s and the mother’s well-being and bonding after birth (know that I am always talking about normal pregnancy conditions and a healthy mother. I do not want to generalize and am aware of the fact that modern medicine can be very important for some women and be needed and helpful in emergency and special cases! So please don’t feel criticized by my point of view which is very personal).

I was lucky to give birth for both of my sons at home.
Our eldest was born in Germany when I still was a student in a little two-room-apartment (in Feb.04 after 12 hours labour). My mother, a friend and two midwives were with me. All was so new but all went well, alhamdulillah, and for the case of emergency I was assured to have the hospital in my neighbourhood. But finally I was just so happy to be in the privacy of my own rooms and to have to make just a few steps to go into my own bed, being all the time with my son, knowing that he will not be held or taken away by someone.
Right after birth he began to suckle, breastfeeding began peacefully and he felt asleep in my arms while the midwives took his measurements. They also cleaned everything (no fear, homebirth is not as dirty as someone may think) and gently did some stitches on my private parts while I was holding him near to me lying in bed. I was so thankful to have my own toilet, my mother around and the food and things I like. My husband came from Morocco the day after. That was fine – I think the actual birth is very much a women’s thing…
 
My second son was born here in our house in Morocco (in Ramadan/Oct.06 after 5 hours labour). My midwife friend from the first birth was ready to spend her holidays here to help me. We just moved in our new house about 3 weeks before birth and didn’t even have electricity or fluent water around. All was a bit messy, workers were still around every day and the carpenter installed the window glasses of my room just in time.
 
I didn’t think so much about all the risks that could occur and rather preferred to pray for good. I was aware about the fact that a lot could happen, but I believed so much in Allah’s will, knowing that everything will come as it has to, inchaallah.
We do have a little hospital in our valley but it really is not clean and well-equipped at all and just for first aid cases. If something seriously happens, we have to call the four-wheels-emergency-transport to drive to the next town which means two hours up and down curvy hilly roads… not a nice thing to think about, mashaallah.
 
The day after my midwife’s arrival, labour already began and I luckily delivered with her help and another friend in the comfort of a nicely prepared room in our new home. My husband and our eldest son were waiting in the kitchen (I think they were quiet impressed by my screaming and suffering noises…).
It was a beautiful morning and they came to see us immediately when they heard the baby’s first crying to assist the cut of the umbilical cord.
Subhanallah, Allahu akbar, that was such an intense moment, as if the doors of the heavens were opened and all the blessings with us.
I felt high and just so grateful about it all. I do not even remember blood or anything bad. I remember peace, love, comfort and joy and a beautiful baby in my arms again. We enjoyed a very calm and relaxing day in bed and in the evening my husband prepared a nice Ramadan dinner for us that we all took together in my room. The days afterwards my midwife cared so well for me and I really had the chance to recover in bed, enjoying the newborn while hubby and the eldest went out a lot.

Alhamdulillah oua Subhanallah, both were the most intense and beautiful happenings in my life! And I pray so very much that all will go on well this time, too, ya Rabbi!
 
Surely, giving birth hurts and is not easy at all.
But all the pain, the suffering and the fear are definitely worth it.
I just cannot imagine experiencing all these feelings in a clean and impersonal hospital environment with strange people around, rushing and in hurry.
I cannot find any good in thinking about a man doctor telling me how to push or punching my belly to get the baby outside quicker because he has to go somewhere else…
I wouldn’t like to take painkiller injections or doing a caesarean just to make the pain easier.
I think all is well planned by our creator and the pain in labour is needed to prepare the mother for the delivery and her motherhood.
Every woman needs to be respected in her own rhythm and to be allowed to take the position she wants to.
I believe that the pain of contractions naturally is to make her feel weak and tired, to become ready to free the child and to give it to the world. And then, the moment right after the baby comes out, she is able to feel so very high and strong and proud and just amazingly happy!
I know that all of these feelings are very sensitive and can be disturbed very quick. It is so easy to destroy the natural feeling of bonding, love and care just by interrupting the process of nature, by rushing or by giving the woman senseless instructions. All of that can lead to postpartum depressions, to a bad breastfeeding-relationship and to an unhappy baby afterwards.
  
I pray for all of us, for every pregnant woman, that we will be protected from unwanted emergency cases, but blessed with the gift of peaceful natural birth-giving, able to feel all the happy feelings that come with it, to fully enjoy the process, to have a healthy baby and to feel strong and proud afterwards and ready for all the responsibility of motherhood. Ameen.

9 thoughts on “Homebirth Thoughts

  1. Chère Itto,

    Je suis en accord avec tes pensées et je pense que la souffrance d’une mère lorsqu’elle accouche est naturelle, et la douleur est tellement vite oubliée lorsqu’on a notre enfant dans les bras !
    Moi même je voulais un accouchement naturelle, j’ai été obligé d’aller à l’hôpital mais je me suis battue pour un accouchement naturel et mon fiancée m’a soutenu, une naissance naturelle était tellement importante pour moi !
    Tout c’est bien passé et j’étais fière et tellement heureuse de mettre Esther au monde ! Merci à Dieu !
    Je te souhaite un bel accouchement Itto, comme tu le souhaites et je pense toi…
    Qu’Allah te protège toi et petite…

    xxx

    Sonia

  2. Assalamu alaikum Dear Sister Itto,
    Ameen thumma Ameen for all the gentle words for all mothers, SubhanAllah, such a witnessing of Allah Ta’ala’s grandeur!
    Insha’Allah all will be smooth and gentle with the birth. You and yours are in my Du’a at the Dome of Felicity.
    Wassalam alaikum

  3. Liebe Itto,

    ich hoffe und wünsche dir so sehr, dass du eine unkomplizierte Geburt feiern kannst, dass alles gut geht und du von liebenden Menschen umgeben bist, während du deine Tochter ins Licht bringst (span. “dar a luz” = dem Licht darbringen = gebären)! Du bist oft in meinen Gedanken, und in meinem Herzen hast du sowieso deinen festen Platz.

    Ich hatte seinerzeit das Pech, mir im achten Monat meiner ersten Schwangerschaft bei einem Sturz das Becken zu brechen, sodass ein Kaiserschnitt (1976) leider unumgänglich war. Und mein zweites Kind kam ebenfalls durch eine Schnittgeburt zur Welt, weil sich während der Schwangerschaft die alte Bruchstelle wieder gelockert hatte und die Ärzte schwerste Bedenken hatten, eine Spontangeburt zu wagen.

    Trotzdem war die Geburt meiner Tochter (1981) sehr speziell, weil ich dank der damals noch ganz neuen Peridural-Anästhesie keine Vollnarkose brauchte und die Geburt bei vollem Bewusstsein erlebte. Man legte mir die Kleine noch “ganz frisch” neben meinen Kopf, ich konnte sie streicheln und mit ihr sprechen. Sie hat überhaupt nicht geschrieen, sondern fast sofort zu atmen begonnen; sie war ganz wach und hat mich unverwandt angesehen. Das ist eine meiner schönsten Erinnerungen überhaupt!

    Liebe Itto, vertrauen wir darauf, dass der Himmlische Vater wohl weiss, was er tut! Deine Hebamme wird rechtzeitig kommen, und falls doch nicht, wirst du dennoch nicht allein sein und bestimmt alles richtig machen. Du wirst in jedem denkbaren Fall die nötige Kraft und Weisung von oben empfangen, sei getrost!

    Ich grüsse dich ganz herzlich,

    Katarina

    P.S.: Meine Nachbarin ist jetzt in der 39. Woche und ist fest davon überzeugt, dass ihre Tochter morgen zur Welt kommen wird … wir werden ja sehen, was geschieht!

  4. Asalamu Walaikum Sis,
    Have you read through the Mothering posts? I like to read through a lot of personal narratives when I’m pregnant, these are usually sustaining for too many hours! I have been thinking about unassisted myself. I just don’t want to deal with anyone anymore–even though there are wonderful midwives here, there are complicated laws and I just hate to feel like I have to beg to birth how I want.
    Here are the unassisted ones:
    http://www.mothering.com/discussions/forumdisplay.php?f=306
    Love and Peace

  5. Salam alaykom dear Itto…
    I am so sorry of your discomfort at the moment. Incha;allah this time will pass quickly and the little baby will be here incha’allah
    After reading your post…I am glad to be Canadian. Sometimes our hospitals can be like you say..but more and more it’s leaning on the healthier side.
    Mother and baby are not separated and even in some hospitals.. we can give birth in our room! al hamdullilah.
    I had no choice for a cesarienne..b/c my last , 12 yrs ago was an emergency. The little one had the cord wrapped around her neck TWICE. We got through it fine al hamdullilah.
    This last birth with Jennah, was a bit different, as I was awake the whole time and I did not like it at all and it was not enjoyable in any way. ( with the c-section 12 yrs ago was a vertical cut, therefore I had no choice, for fear of rupture ) But…as mother’s we make our sacrifices with conviction and courage if we must.
    You are so blessed to have had such wonderful experiences..masha’allah. I pray the next will be the same , Incha’allah.

    I think , if I was in Morocco..I would be doing the same if I had the choice. I only saw the hospital in Mohammedia when I was there in 2006, but was enough to say I would not feel ok there at all. And I traveled those horrible roads you mentioned and glad to say I made it , and prayed the whole way! It is not so much the roads as the drivers !!

    Incha’allah you can find the time to email me? I would love to share pictures of Jennah with you. (adilandanisah@hotmail.com)

    well I am thinking of you and praying for you as well.

    y’allah…Salams

  6. Aslaum alakum
    i know of a German sister in Algeria who delivers all her babies at home herself with help from her hubby and mashaAllah i must say she loves the whole deal……….may Allah facilte you birth and make it all smooth for you sis!

  7. Pingback: An (almost) unassisted Childbirth « Itto’s moroccan berber journal

  8. Pingback: The Power of Thoughts – on Birth | Itto's Living Faith

  9. Pingback: Right now… I am | Itto's Living Faith

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