Parenting

by-schreiben family-creative-time 

So many things are going on in my head these days about parenting and kids that I’ve started already three (!) long posts… But none of them is finished at the moment because the topics are quite specific.
So I decided to just let out a bit of my thoughts in general today…

First I have to say, and to say it a hundred times again…: I LOVE being a 24/24h mum!! Alhamdulillah!
It is the hardest thing I ever did in my life, but also the most wonderful.
I know now that nothing else is comparable to this full-time-“job” and if someone never did it, he will not know what it is about.
I become aware of this more and more. I realize what a gift children are and what big responsibility we have for them.
Especially since this year, after the negative Au-Pair-experience and having quitted my home-office-job, I really begin to understand that it is my purpose and duty to fully be there for my kids, to be a loving, respectful facilitator-in-life for them.
I see it clearly for myself now: I have to take responsibility of their education – not the government. At least during the first years, if I want them to grow healthy, I have to care for them myself, to be an example, to be with them – not a Kindergarten-worker, not a teacher or someone else whom I do not even know.
I have to and I want to sacrifice my time for their good.

I read so many good books (Holt, Wild, Montessori, Mazlish, Steiner, Juul,…), I met so many brave, alternative, conscious, mindful and also unschooling people and I had the chance to learn and grow during the last years a lot, so I know clearer and clearer what I want for my own family:
I do not count anymore (if I ever did…) on public child care, on public school, on official curriculum, on the latest educational methods or parenting skills…

I know now that being a good parent means to be ready to question, to learn, to revise, to grow myself every day.
It means there is no magic tool for every situation; there is not a day, not even an hour, like another. It means no child is like another. It means constant changes; it needs a lot of flexibility and self-discipline, but most of all: love, respect and an open mind.
 
And it means to be ready to explore the world and my own personality together with the child. It means sometimes tears, doubts and self-criticism, it means facing some painful truth (about my own childhood), and it means readiness to change some old behaviour and to try something new.
It means a lot of work and consciousness but also a lot of joy and fun and blessings!!

I had to say this and I could go on and on. I am so full of energy and positive power to accomplish this task of my life.
I don’t want to criticize someone else’s choices about education, but I would love to share my own thoughts that have become so clear during the last years, alhamdulillah, and I want to encourage all of you to take full responsibility for your life and that of your kids, wherever your path may lead!

6 thoughts on “Parenting

  1. Liebe Itto,
    ich merke auch jeden Tag, dass es eine unglaubliche Verantwortung ist, ein Kind zu haben und zu erziehen. Das eigene Kind ist den Eltern ja komplett ausgeliefert, wir entscheiden, ob es gesundes oder ungesundes Essen bekommt, ob es Liebe kennen lernt oder Schmerz oder mit seinem Schmerz allein bleiben muss. Ich bin oft überfordert oder denke, dass ich dem Kleinen nicht alles biete, aber dann denke ich wieder, dass ich eigentlich alles ganz gut hinbekomme. Ich möchte Junis soviele Freiheiten lassen wir er braucht, um mit Selbstvetrauen und Urvertrauen die Welt zu entdecken und sich zu eigen zu machen. Viele Erfahrungen muss er selbst machen, das kann ihm keiner abnehmen. Gelassenheit und das Vertrauen in die eigene Intuition sind da auf jeden Fall wichtig. Ich versuche gerade, auf meine innere Stimme zu hören und sie nicht zu ignorieren oder von außen überstimmen zu lassen.
    In diesem Sinne freue ich mich auf drei freie Tag mit dem Kleinen und wünsche Dir auch ein schönes Wochenende.
    lg
    Steffi

  2. subhanallah itto this subject has been so much on my mind lately …….ive been spending a lot of time exploring montessori, waldorf , unschooling and trying to figure out the balance between all of that and a good islamic education…..with 3 little children now my oldest is 3 and a half its sort of dawned on me that i have this huge responsability and really my shortcomings in this matter are so many…..there just doesnt seem to be enough hours in the day does there and its so twisted in my head…..i think i need to declutter my head and my home and focus on the important things….id love to follow your own journey with your children and get both inspiration and advise….i have this rule that i can order one book a month on the net so far ive been reading on the internet only but i do prefer books so if you could recommend a short list i would really appreciate your opinion …..that is if ever you find the time…..gosh so many things i want to explore, learn , do and by the time youre finished with the daily things its difficult to choose if to just be and breathe or tackle the crazy list of to dos……i really dont understand how working mothers cope….how do they do it all…?….

  3. masha’allah..you’re pictures have made miss the homeschooling and creative play we haven’t been able to do…I’m a great advocate of just allowing children to follow their own lead when it comes to learning..I think it’s a wonderful approach that gives a child a real love and respect of knowledge….
    what a blessing it is to be a mother and nuturer of small people….and you know speaking as the mother of teens aswell as smallies..it’s a wonderful thing to watch them as they get older and start puttingall that they have learnt in to their own words and actions and influencing others around them…subhanallah..
    much love
    xxx

  4. Asalamu Walaikum Sis,
    Masha Allah, you have been a busy poster while I have been missing them while being a busy final-uh-er. This is like a big saved up treat!
    The hubby started cleaning out our storage areas (yes, too many sheds, closets, etc.) in prep for our move. I so look forward to the 24/24 time again, inshallah. And painting especially, we haven’t done much in quite a while. I love the pic with the spatila–I never thunked to use “alternate’ paint tools–gotta try that inshallah. Oh, I remember doing “straw paintings” when I was little. Hmm.
    I am very thankful that my children are having a thorough childhood, alhumdiallah. They do some much less affected than most kids and are amazingly content, alhumdiallah. I can’t wait to see what it will look like in Maroc, inshallah…oh hey kinda like this🙂
    Oh yeah, and I bought some embroidery rings after reading your post awhile ago. I always thought embroidery had to be very particular, but I think we could do some of that!
    Thanks for the inspiratoins, I hope to return the favor inshallah.
    Love and peace,
    ~Brooke

  5. Liebe Itto,
    ich finde es schön und sehr beruhigend, zu erleben, wie viele Gedanken sich junge (werdende) Mütter im Zusammenhang mit Erziehung, Bildung, sozialen Aspekten usw. machen! Obwohl – auch ich habe mir als junge Frau ja diese Gedanken gemacht; warum sollte es heute anders sein?
    Dennoch glaube ich, es war vor 33 Jahren noch nicht so schwierig wie heute, Kinder zu erziehen und zu schulen. Manches war noch klar, was heutzutage durch das weit verbreitete “anything goes” kaum mehr fassbar scheint. Meiner Meinung nach ist die grassierende Beliebigkeit eine der grössten Herausforderungen überhaupt.
    Kinder haben ein Geburtsrecht auf die Aufmerksamkeit, Zuwendung und Liebe ihrer Eltern! Mit der Entscheidung, Kinder zu bekommen, haben wir uns verpflichtet, ihnen die bestmögliche Pflege in jeglicher Hinsicht zukommen zu lassen. Kinder gedeihen in einer Atmosphäre, die von Liebe, Geduld, Respekt und Konsequenz geprägt ist.
    Ich freue mich – wieder einmal! – über die Ernsthaftigkeit, mit der du nachdenkst, formulierst … und dein Leben meisterst!
    Herzliche Grüsse,
    Katarina

  6. as salamu ‘alaykum

    I really am enjoying John Holt’s books, especially How Children Fail right now. It brings me back to my time in school and hits really hard every time I am reminded of something that I experienced (my own fears, strategies to simply ‘pass’, etc.).

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